Songs for your next mixtape - December 2011

Hey all.

This months list is pretty varied. Mainly just songs that have been getting stuck in my head since the last list. Playlist will go up on 8tracks.com in a day or two. Enjoy!

Song - Artist - Album

Godless - The Dandy Warhols - Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia
Know Your Enemy - Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine
Fuck Her Gently - Tenacious D - Tenacious D
Confessions Pt. 2 - Usher - Confessions
Neon Valley Street - Janelle Monae - The ArchAndroid
Big Me - Foo Fighters - Foo Fighters
Ball and Biscuit - The White Stripes - Elephant
I Woke Up Today - Port O'Brien - The Wind and Swell
Ize of the World - The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth
If - The Flaming Lips - Embryonic
Sunday Morning - Maroon 5 - Maroon 5
Que Onda Guero - Beck - Guero
She's Got Something to Say - The Vines - Winning Days
Why Don't You Get a Job? - The Offspring - Americana
Squeaky Toys - Felix Laband - Thin Shoes in June
So Sorry - Feist - The Reminder
Move On Now - Hard-Fi - Stars of CCTV
Strobelite Honey - Black Sheep - A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Devil Will Ride - Gomez - Liquid Skin
Spirit Street (Fade Out) - Radiohead - The Bends

Update: Now available to stream for free at http://8tracks.com/flexoskeleton

Sandwiches?

Bitch make me a sandwich? Really?

I've been having trouble completely understanding this meme. I know it's meant to be degrading women by implying they should stop engaging in whatever activity is taking place and go to the kitchen to serve the culinary desires of a man. The difficulty I have with this insult, other than the fact that it is the retort of generally pretty unintelligent men who are unable to level insults in more intelligent ways, is the choice of sandwiches. Why sandwiches?

Here's the thing. I don't have anything against sandwiches. Often a nutritious delicious snack or meal  for lunch, afternoon tea, dinner or supper. But it is hard to deny there are certainly more enjoyable foods that could be prepared and consumed if you were going to demand that someone prepare you food. A roast dinner for example. Maybe a pasta meal. Or perhaps an omelet. Bitch make me an omelet as it's much tastier than a sandwich.

However I suppose sandwiches are reasonably universal. After all, not everyone likes eggs. People the world over have enjoyed the combination of various foods between pieces of bread since the Earl of Sandwich first thought up the idea in the 18th Century. This may be why this particular meal was chosen. Bitch make me a simple meal which almost anyone can appreciate and enjoy. And hard to screw up.

The simplicity of the sandwich may also be derivative of its selection. That there are fewer meals which are as simple and quick to prepare and enjoy is notable. Bitch, I do not consider you intelligent and able enough to prepare me a meal of real substance, but I believe the humble sandwich to be within your grasp. I'm hungry right now and don't have time for your inferior intellect to grasp the complex omelet folding process. Oh snap.

I think this simplicity can be extended to the fact that almost anything can be in a sandwich. It's a very basic concept really. In any online argument where a man is outwitted by a woman, he can simply retort with 'Bitch make me an X sandwich.' Say if you are having an argument about cheese. Or postage stamps. Or electoral reform. Any of these can be referred to in sandwich form, the more abstract the idea the greater the degree of hilarity and insult. Bitch, make me an electoral reform sandwich. Hilarious.

Maybe I'm over-thinking it all. Maybe the first man to tell a bitch to make him a sandwich really just wanted a sandwich. Not hungry enough for a big meal, but hungry all the same. If ever I meet him, I'll ask him. And maybe give him a sandwich maker for Christmas.

Flexoskeleton. Asking important questions.

The Flaming Lips - Thebarton Theatre - 16/11/11

My Flaming Lips review is available here.

Photos from the gig are available here.

If you ever get the chance to go see these guys, do it. They're awesome!

Kings of fucking Leon

Let me preface this by saying that Kings of Leon put on a great live show. They came out on-time, performed beautifully, played all the good songs and didn’t show any symptoms of the ‘exhaustion’ that resulted in the tour being postponed earlier this year. In fact, you can read all about it here. That said, there’s just no writing a review of their show without saying something of KoL fans. Never before have I encountered an audience with such a high proportion of stuck-up pricks.

I arrived at about 7:45 and then proceeded to work my way to the front of the stage. I ended up getting within about ten meters of the front barricade, just right of centre, where my friend was waiting for me. Little did we realise at the time but we were in the worst standing position in the arena. It became apparent that the people who surrounded us on all sides had decided to get as close as they could to the front of the stage, yet had failed to consider what this actually meant.

For all the stuck-up fans of any band out there, if you’re going to get up close at a gig maybe you should take the following into account:

Deciding to stand ten metres from the front barrier means being prepared for the possibility of getting bumped, knocked or touched by other audience members. Obviously no-one wants to get punched, kicked, or jumped on. But the fact of the matter is that when the music is getting heavy people are going to move around and the idea of personal space pretty much goes out the window. If you can’t handle the heat, sit at the back. Getting close to the band comes at a price.

I ended up stuck in between ‘too-old-to-be-here’ people and the 13 year old girls. This limited my ability to jump around but there were still a few opportunities I couldn’t pass up. For example, when they played ‘Four Kicks’ early in the set I decided to get my jump on. After all, it was a rock and roll show.

The swarm of girls in front of me seemed none too pleased and I was actually told off by the older folks to my left. Yes, you read correctly. I was told off, at a rock show, for jumping around. Let me make it clear; I wasn’t exactly frogstomping my way through the crowd, (it was KoL, not Limp Bizkit), so I kept it pretty tame.  Most of the time I was nodding my head and enjoying the show, keeping to myself. However I still felt that I reserved the right to jump around and have fun when it got heavy.

For most of the gig I had an older woman to my left, maybe 45, actually trying to elbow myself and others out of her way so she could have a metre radius in which to do her thing. At one point I got asked to move back a few steps, to which I could only reply that there were a few thousand people behind me and that moving back a few steps might prove difficult. She did have a point I suppose. She and I had touched elbows several times thanks to her Nutbush-inspired freestyle dancing and clearly she should have been able to move about the area without any disturbance or intrusion.

So by now you’re probably thinking that it was I who was the turd in the punchbowl, and that I was probably ruining it for everyone else. Well this was a rock concert and we were standing right up near the stage. I would understand people getting uppity if I was acting like a tool, throwing fists and kicks around and dropping people like no-ones business. In the end, I jumped to a few songs and because we were all trying to get as close as possible, yes, I ended up inadvertently touching my fellow audience members. But is this really unreasonable? I didn’t begrudge the old-timers for coming to see a band of boys who could have been their children, nor did I mind sharing space with the young teenagers who kept screaming for Caleb to take off his shirt. For some reason my kind wasn’t as welcome.

Another thing I found surprising was the lack of audience response during the set. Although KoL weren’t very engaging with the audience there were clear moments where Caleb deliberately did not sing lyrics so the audience would. The part of the audience I was in was either too cool or too stupid to sing along. I’m fairly certain I got a look or two for trying to sing along. Again… what the hell?

I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. This gig confirmed my suspicion that most KoL fans are pains in the hole. With KoL, there are the people that were ‘cool’ enough to know about them before ‘Only By The Night’ and then there are those who didn’t know about them before that album.

For some reason, people who knew about them before they became massively successful seem to think that this makes them better than the rest of us. I guess there’s something to be said about knowing something before it was cool. My only problem with this is that all of the people I know who claim to have known KoL before OBTN seem to save a special look of disgust for people who didn’t know about the band before then.

I actually can’t think of any other band where there is a greater sense of superiority among people who knew about a band before it was mainstream. I can empathise with these people, particularly when something is just becoming mainstream and you get some precocious punk trying to tell you how you should check this band you’ve been into for years already.

But to those folks, I say get over it. Seriously. Move on. If you need something like that to make you cool or interesting, you’re not cool or interesting.

I’m actually glad I didn’t discover KoL until OBTN because I’ve been able to enjoy each of their albums to their fullest. In the end, those KoL fans who look at people like me with disgust are usually the ones who say ‘the new albums are shit.’ Well actually they’re not shit, they’re just different. Maybe if you were really into KoL you could enjoy them too? Oh what’s that? You’ve got your head stuck so far up your own arse while you worship your copy of ‘Aha Shake Heartbreak’ that you can’t enjoy ‘Come Around Sundown’? To them I say ‘sods you all!’ Or, as Ice Cube so eloquently put it, ‘eat shit and die!’

Songs for your next mixtape - November 2011

A new month is upon us, and as such, a new playlist is due. This month I went for some songs to lift us out of our end-of-academic-year blues. Hopefully some of these tracks put you in a better mood during this exam period. And you're not taking exams, hopefully they give you a good feeling anyway :)

Also, I decided to add the name of the album/EP that each track is from, so you can look it up if you wish to acquire it along with more by that artist.

Track - Artist/Band - Album

Lust for Life - Girls - Album

Quiet Dog Bite Hard - Mos Def - The Ecstatic

I Miss You - Blink 182 - Blink 182

Volcano (Four Tet Remix) - Anti-Pop Consortium - Volcano EP

All That We Perceive - Thievery Corporation - The Richest Man In Babylon

Straight Outta Compton - N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton

Whoever You Are - Brian Jonestown Massacre - Give It Back!

Blood - The Middle East - The Recordings of the Middle East

She Holds A Grudge - Jet - Shaka Rock

So It Goes - Verve - A Northern Soul

Do Me A Favour - Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare

Simple Things - Belle and Sebastian - The Boy With the Arab Strap

Trouble - Coldplay - Parachutes

She Lives In My Lap - Andre 3000 - The Love Below

Two Shoes - The Cat Empire - Two Shoes

Cannonball - The Breeders - Last Splash

Stay Don't Go - Spoon - Kill the Moonlight

One Step Closer - U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

Why Doesn't Andy? - The Whitlams - Undeniably

Video Games - Lana Del Rey - Video Games EP

And good luck to all those playing the ponies today!

update: you can now enjoy this playlist at 8tracks.com - http://8tracks.com/flexoskeleton

Who is the next Cameron Ling?

With Cameron Ling announcing that he will retire from the AFL, it begs a question of all football commentators and pundits. I speak not of who the new Geelong captain will be, or who will hold the honour of being the game's best tagger, but of who will now be regarded as the ugliest player in the League. Ling has left some big furry orange shoes to be filled, and Flexoskeleton would like to name the following candidates.

1. Aaron Sandilands

Already one of the tallest and heaviest men to play the game, there is no reason this man-mountain should not also hold the honour of the game's ugliest mug. Similar to Ling, Sandilands is one of the premier niche players in the competition and has earned the respect of his peers despite his appearance.

2. Chad Cornes

Although Chadwick announced his retirement this year, he has been strongly linked with new team Greater Western Sydney and if he plays, we believe Chad has a very strong chance of taking Ling's mantle. Chad, like his father Graham, has a truly haggard appearance. However he differs from Ling in that he also has a personality to match. What has endeared us to Ling over the years was his loveable character in spite of his truly unsightly looks. In the case of Chad, it seems he has no redeeming features as a human whatsoever. (OK, maybe he was a reasonable footballer...)

3. Dean Brogan

Dean is in a similar boat to Chad in that he is officially retired, but expected to play on in a mentoring role at GWS next year. He is also similar to Chad in that he has a truly ugly personality to match his 'smacked-arse' face. Flexoskeleton sees no reason why the former Adelaide 36ers player should not hold the position of the AFL's ugliest player except that the bloke might take it as a compliment.

4. Jarryd Roughead

Flexskeleton understands it is tough being compared to Luke Hodge and Lance Franklin every weekend, but even without these comparisons, Roughead is a pretty ugly dude. Roughead is however a top-class player and is a redhead like Ling. He is a more than suitable candidate.

5. Lewis Roberts-Thomson

I do not believe words are necessary. Poor Lewis. At least he'll always be a premiership player.

6. Todd Banfield

Todd is the ideal player to take over as the games ugliest player. A fiery red-nut and a nuggety style of play, he is the most Ling-like player around. Furthermore, he's hideous. This is Flexoskeleton's choice for the new ugliest man in AFL.

So there you have it. One of these men should be set to take one most revered and least respected titles in the AFL. Feel free to cast your vote or suggest new candidates in the comments.

As an end note, Flexoskeleton would like to acknowledge some retiring players who have been close to laying claim to Ling's crown their whole careers, but because of Ling's exceptional skill in this area, were never quite good enough. Cam Mooney, Leigh Brown and Brady Rawlings are also retiring this year and will never get hold the title as the game's ugmo. However, your faces will never be forgotten (unfortunately.)

Breaking news: Steve Jobs to be buried in revolutionary iCoffin

Even in death, Steve Jobs continues to break innovative ground. Apple has announced that Jobs, regarded both inside and outside Apple as a marketing and technological genius, will be buried in their latest product, the iCoffin.

The iCoffin is a sleek, all white box with one button for all coffin functions. Such functions include opening and closing the lid and a chime which will ring if Jobs is accidentally buried alive.

The former Apple CEO will be buried in the higher-end device which comes with 32GB of memory as well as Wifi and 3G connectivity. The device will run on iOS 5 and includes and 8 Megapixel camera. The device is expected to change the way coffins are used by everyday consumers.

An Apple spokesperson has said that the iCoffin is the perfect device for a dignified passing. "The iCoffin is what all Apple consumers should have for a peaceful iDeath and is designed for safe passage to the iAfterlife" they said.

Pundits have lauded the innovation, but critics have argued that consumers are simply being duped in the media circus that is about to surround Jobs' death.

Les Monet, of technology magazine "Tech Today" stated that consumers should be wary of being buried in dated hardware. "The market is about to be flooded with smart-coffins following Jobs' passing" he said. "As we have seen with the iPhone, smart coffins running Android will be better and more customisable for consumers."

"We have seen with Apple that they upgrade their products every 12-18 months and consumers buried in the first release iCoffin could be left behind in the cold, cold ground."

It is predicted that Google and Microsoft are just around the corner with smart coffins of their own. Google's coffin in particular has been identified as a potential game changer. The Google smart-coffin will track peoples movements as they turn in their graves, delivering targeted advertisements to the corpses and their grieving relatives.

For most Apple fans however, there is only one way to go.

Long-time Apple fan-boy and terminal cancer patient Jeff Brown of Goodwood, Adelaide, said, "I don't care about dying anymore, as long as I can be buried in the latest product by Apple." When we asked Jeff how he would feel when the iCoffin 2 comes out, he said "Just dig me up and upgrade me."

Naturally, the iCoffin has been designed in California's Silicon Valley, and is to be mass produced at minimal cost in Chinese factories. The 3G/Wifi 32GB model will start at $AUD50,000.

Songs for your next mixtape - October 2011

Every month I'll publish a list of 20 songs that you may not have heard before. Some are new and some are old, and hopefully they'll help you discover something new. The playlist is designed to be listened to in order for full effect. Enjoy :)

October 2011

Notice - Gomez

Ritual Union - Little Dragon

You Can't Have It All - Ash

Midnight - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Champion - Kanye West

Countdown - Phoenix

Heaven is a Halfpipe - OPM

Silver Line - Faux Pas

Two Kinds of Right - The Grates

Roll With It - Oasis

Hurt Me Soul - Lupe Fiasco

No Money - Kings of Leon

Don't Get Lost in Heaven - Gorillaz

Turns Me On - Big Boi

Acceptable in the 80's - Calvin Harris

Is it Just Me? - The Darkness

Wristwatch - Hungry Kids of Hungary

Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson

Lemon Sunrise - Powderfinger

You're Going to Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Bob Dylan

update: you can now enjoy this playlist at 8tracks.com - http://8tracks.com/flexoskeleton

(Take #2) Gomez - Governor Hindmarsh - 06/08/11

Hm so after nothing following my first two posts I'm resurrecting and recycling this previously wasted e-space. First up, my unpublished review of the gig Gomez played at the Gov' Hindmarsh back in August. Enjoy and please email AAA telling them how awesome and insightful it is and how wasteful it was for the them to not publish it.

Gomez - Governor Hindmarsh - 6th of August 2011.

We all have a list of bands and artists that we have been meaning to get thoroughly into and just have not yet found the time for, and I'll admit, Gomez is on mine. For a number of years now I've had more than a few friends recommend their music to me and I have not got around to giving them a good listen to. Given that Gomez has not only consistently toured Australia, but has time and again returned to Adelaide, I thought it only fair that I roll on down to the Gov' on Saturday night and give them a listen.

The night began with Adelaide boys Leader Cheetah, who looked not unlike Jet with untamed beards and a long hair. The Cheetah both massaged the audience and pulverised the stage at various moments of their set. The lads were pretty effective in getting the crowd going, and with the large void left in the Australian music scene by the departure of Powderfinger, it is not hard to imagine these boys taking a more prominent fixture on the Australian musical landscape in years to come, given their similar style and versatility.

A beautiful female-vocalist cover of ‘Whippin' Piccadilly’ played to open the set just as Gomez walked out on stage. Each of the band members were dressed refreshingly normally. Judging by the way the band looked as they came out, they're not out to impress anyone with their attire, and to be honest, this wasn’t bad to see. Gomez make their statement with their music. They jumped straight into their set as they walked out and moved seamlessly between singers and instruments.

After about half a dozen songs I was feeling like the band was simply going through the motions, and I guess this just showed my ignorance. The song that played next was 'Get Myself Arrested' which took the show effortlessly to another level. Gomez in performance may appear to be in second gear, but they're just very comfortable live, and can put on a great show very naturally.

Although they have just released a new album, there weren't many new tunes played. They went through the back-catalogue which was appropriate given the age-diverse of the crowd. There were many there that would have been into Gomez back in the early 90's who would have enjoyed seeing the band perform some older tunes.

Probably the highlight was 'Sweet Virginia', which had some pretty epic solos. The way the performance ebbed and flowed was truly professional, and the years of experience showed. Gomez are not only professional, but also a lot of fun on stage. The band is smiling and laughing most of the time, and their relaxed attitude is quite striking in the modern music scene. It is great to see a well-established band not take themselves very seriously after many years of performing, and put on a great show for loyal fans. To start with, I thought maybe Gomez were past their best, but it just took them a little to really get into top gear and deliver a fun, entertaining show. If you missed them on this tour, you probably don't need to worry. Gomez have toured Australia for years and you can rest assured, with the reception they received at this gig at least, they'll be back sometime soon.