Who is the next Cameron Ling?

With Cameron Ling announcing that he will retire from the AFL, it begs a question of all football commentators and pundits. I speak not of who the new Geelong captain will be, or who will hold the honour of being the game's best tagger, but of who will now be regarded as the ugliest player in the League. Ling has left some big furry orange shoes to be filled, and Flexoskeleton would like to name the following candidates.

1. Aaron Sandilands

Already one of the tallest and heaviest men to play the game, there is no reason this man-mountain should not also hold the honour of the game's ugliest mug. Similar to Ling, Sandilands is one of the premier niche players in the competition and has earned the respect of his peers despite his appearance.

2. Chad Cornes

Although Chadwick announced his retirement this year, he has been strongly linked with new team Greater Western Sydney and if he plays, we believe Chad has a very strong chance of taking Ling's mantle. Chad, like his father Graham, has a truly haggard appearance. However he differs from Ling in that he also has a personality to match. What has endeared us to Ling over the years was his loveable character in spite of his truly unsightly looks. In the case of Chad, it seems he has no redeeming features as a human whatsoever. (OK, maybe he was a reasonable footballer...)

3. Dean Brogan

Dean is in a similar boat to Chad in that he is officially retired, but expected to play on in a mentoring role at GWS next year. He is also similar to Chad in that he has a truly ugly personality to match his 'smacked-arse' face. Flexoskeleton sees no reason why the former Adelaide 36ers player should not hold the position of the AFL's ugliest player except that the bloke might take it as a compliment.

4. Jarryd Roughead

Flexskeleton understands it is tough being compared to Luke Hodge and Lance Franklin every weekend, but even without these comparisons, Roughead is a pretty ugly dude. Roughead is however a top-class player and is a redhead like Ling. He is a more than suitable candidate.

5. Lewis Roberts-Thomson

I do not believe words are necessary. Poor Lewis. At least he'll always be a premiership player.

6. Todd Banfield

Todd is the ideal player to take over as the games ugliest player. A fiery red-nut and a nuggety style of play, he is the most Ling-like player around. Furthermore, he's hideous. This is Flexoskeleton's choice for the new ugliest man in AFL.

So there you have it. One of these men should be set to take one most revered and least respected titles in the AFL. Feel free to cast your vote or suggest new candidates in the comments.

As an end note, Flexoskeleton would like to acknowledge some retiring players who have been close to laying claim to Ling's crown their whole careers, but because of Ling's exceptional skill in this area, were never quite good enough. Cam Mooney, Leigh Brown and Brady Rawlings are also retiring this year and will never get hold the title as the game's ugmo. However, your faces will never be forgotten (unfortunately.)

Coach describes Ball as 'testy'

St Kilda coach Ross Lyon has described former Saint Luke Ball as 'testy' during his time at the club.
"I wouldn't say it was a cancerous thing, but Ball was definitely testy." Lyon stated during a recent candid interview with the media, following a medical examination stipulated in his contract.
"He's just always knackered, y'know?" He continued. "I mean it came to a point where we thought, this troublesome Ball has to be removed. It's going to be painful, but if we have to rip him out with our teeth we will."
The comments follow Luke's delisting by the Saints, after unsuccessful attempts to trade him to other clubs during trade week.
"No one would take my Ball. I felt so down about it. All I could think about was why no one would take a look at my Ball."
He also expressed his desire to see Luke go on and perform well, but made it clear that the Saints was no longer his home. "Ball just didn't fit in my package; he couldn't produce in climactic moments. Those on the receiving end just couldn't count on a hot steamy delivery of ball, from Ball. That said, we'd love to see Ball nut his way into the action in the future."
Luke himself has expressed an interest to stay within Victoria, possibly with Collingwood.
When questioned, Ball stated, "I'm really impressed with what Collingwood has to offer. I think I could slot in nicely with, say, a Dick and Goldsack combination, exposing sensitive areas in the opposition." referring to young Magpies Brad Dick and Tyson Goldsack.
"Cox to Sidebottom; there's some really good stuff at Collingwood where Ball could find his ideal accomplice for maturing his flavour... as a player" Lyon said when question about the Magpie option. "In the end," he continued, "the weapons offered up to us by the 'Pies were not of Ball's calibre. I wasn't going to settle for Malthouse's Dick in return for him getting his hands on my Ball."
Mick Malthouse, Collingwood coach simply said "We've all thought about Lyon's Ball deal once or twice. I mean hell, I have even dreamed about it. But I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm going to give it all up for a chance at Lyon's Ball."
Lyon was philosophical about the Malthouse decision not to offer up more for the Lyon Ball option. "There are going to be other Balls, Dicks, Sidebottoms and Goldsacks, so it all works out in the end. What matters is we back up our cobbers, no bullocks."