The Central Intelligence Agency in the USA has announced it's intention to develop robots akin to those in the Terminator movie franchise to win it's current and future conflicts. Further, the CIA plan to master the art of time travel, to go back to the beginning of the wars and win them from the outset.
"It's a perfect plan. Take all money from diplomatic and boring stuff and spend it all on robots that can travel through time and win every war for America." said Professor Dyson, of the Agency.
When questioned about the many years that it could take to perfect the technology Prof. Dyson said it did not matter how long it took because we could always go back in time and speed up the process with our amazing future technologies.
"And also, we could go forward in time and bring back even more cool stuff, to make sure that America never losses anything, like robot bees that only pollinate our crops and only sting Iraqis, and other heaps cool things."
When asked about the complications of time-travel and the very real possibility that the possible effects of changing the past may only be felt in a parallel universe, Prof. Dyson simply said "No."
"Education, health, social security and sanitation" were just some the areas the Professor outlined he would like to draw funds from in order to finance such an ambitious plan. He stated we needed to "stop pouring money into the social services hole," referring to the amenities and services provided to Americans by the government.
He also implied that businesses and other nations should contribute to the research to ensure past and future security. "Businesses and those other bitch-countries better pony up the cash, after all, we can go to any place at any time and fuck shit up!"
It was pointed out to Prof. Dyson that the CIA did not yet possess the the required technology to which the Professor whispered "You'll get yours."
Prof. Dyson finished by saying "It used to be that nuclear bombs were the most important thing a country could have. Well let Iran have their nukes, we can travel through time motherfuckers!"
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Coach describes Ball as 'testy'
St Kilda coach Ross Lyon has described former Saint Luke Ball as 'testy' during his time at the club.
"I wouldn't say it was a cancerous thing, but Ball was definitely testy." Lyon stated during a recent candid interview with the media, following a medical examination stipulated in his contract.
"He's just always knackered, y'know?" He continued. "I mean it came to a point where we thought, this troublesome Ball has to be removed. It's going to be painful, but if we have to rip him out with our teeth we will."
The comments follow Luke's delisting by the Saints, after unsuccessful attempts to trade him to other clubs during trade week.
"No one would take my Ball. I felt so down about it. All I could think about was why no one would take a look at my Ball."
He also expressed his desire to see Luke go on and perform well, but made it clear that the Saints was no longer his home. "Ball just didn't fit in my package; he couldn't produce in climactic moments. Those on the receiving end just couldn't count on a hot steamy delivery of ball, from Ball. That said, we'd love to see Ball nut his way into the action in the future."
Luke himself has expressed an interest to stay within Victoria, possibly with Collingwood.
When questioned, Ball stated, "I'm really impressed with what Collingwood has to offer. I think I could slot in nicely with, say, a Dick and Goldsack combination, exposing sensitive areas in the opposition." referring to young Magpies Brad Dick and Tyson Goldsack.
"Cox to Sidebottom; there's some really good stuff at Collingwood where Ball could find his ideal accomplice for maturing his flavour... as a player" Lyon said when question about the Magpie option. "In the end," he continued, "the weapons offered up to us by the 'Pies were not of Ball's calibre. I wasn't going to settle for Malthouse's Dick in return for him getting his hands on my Ball."
Mick Malthouse, Collingwood coach simply said "We've all thought about Lyon's Ball deal once or twice. I mean hell, I have even dreamed about it. But I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm going to give it all up for a chance at Lyon's Ball."
Lyon was philosophical about the Malthouse decision not to offer up more for the Lyon Ball option. "There are going to be other Balls, Dicks, Sidebottoms and Goldsacks, so it all works out in the end. What matters is we back up our cobbers, no bullocks."
"I wouldn't say it was a cancerous thing, but Ball was definitely testy." Lyon stated during a recent candid interview with the media, following a medical examination stipulated in his contract.
"He's just always knackered, y'know?" He continued. "I mean it came to a point where we thought, this troublesome Ball has to be removed. It's going to be painful, but if we have to rip him out with our teeth we will."
The comments follow Luke's delisting by the Saints, after unsuccessful attempts to trade him to other clubs during trade week.
"No one would take my Ball. I felt so down about it. All I could think about was why no one would take a look at my Ball."
He also expressed his desire to see Luke go on and perform well, but made it clear that the Saints was no longer his home. "Ball just didn't fit in my package; he couldn't produce in climactic moments. Those on the receiving end just couldn't count on a hot steamy delivery of ball, from Ball. That said, we'd love to see Ball nut his way into the action in the future."
Luke himself has expressed an interest to stay within Victoria, possibly with Collingwood.
When questioned, Ball stated, "I'm really impressed with what Collingwood has to offer. I think I could slot in nicely with, say, a Dick and Goldsack combination, exposing sensitive areas in the opposition." referring to young Magpies Brad Dick and Tyson Goldsack.
"Cox to Sidebottom; there's some really good stuff at Collingwood where Ball could find his ideal accomplice for maturing his flavour... as a player" Lyon said when question about the Magpie option. "In the end," he continued, "the weapons offered up to us by the 'Pies were not of Ball's calibre. I wasn't going to settle for Malthouse's Dick in return for him getting his hands on my Ball."
Mick Malthouse, Collingwood coach simply said "We've all thought about Lyon's Ball deal once or twice. I mean hell, I have even dreamed about it. But I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm going to give it all up for a chance at Lyon's Ball."
Lyon was philosophical about the Malthouse decision not to offer up more for the Lyon Ball option. "There are going to be other Balls, Dicks, Sidebottoms and Goldsacks, so it all works out in the end. What matters is we back up our cobbers, no bullocks."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
