Tuesday, November 17, 2009

New plan to develop time-travelling robots

The Central Intelligence Agency in the USA has announced it's intention to develop robots akin to those in the Terminator movie franchise to win it's current and future conflicts. Further, the CIA plan to master the art of time travel, to go back to the beginning of the wars and win them from the outset.
"It's a perfect plan. Take all money from diplomatic and boring stuff and spend it all on robots that can travel through time and win every war for America." said Professor Dyson, of the Agency.
When questioned about the many years that it could take to perfect the technology Prof. Dyson said it did not matter how long it took because we could always go back in time and speed up the process with our amazing future technologies.
"And also, we could go forward in time and bring back even more cool stuff, to make sure that America never losses anything, like robot bees that only pollinate our crops and only sting Iraqis, and other heaps cool things."
When asked about the complications of time-travel and the very real possibility that the possible effects of changing the past may only be felt in a parallel universe, Prof. Dyson simply said "No."
"Education, health, social security and sanitation" were just some the areas the Professor outlined he would like to draw funds from in order to finance such an ambitious plan. He stated we needed to "stop pouring money into the social services hole," referring to the amenities and services provided to Americans by the government.
He also implied that businesses and other nations should contribute to the research to ensure past and future security. "Businesses and those other bitch-countries better pony up the cash, after all, we can go to any place at any time and fuck shit up!"
It was pointed out to Prof. Dyson that the CIA did not yet possess the the required technology to which the Professor whispered "You'll get yours."
Prof. Dyson finished by saying "It used to be that nuclear bombs were the most important thing a country could have. Well let Iran have their nukes, we can travel through time motherfuckers!"

No comments:

Post a Comment