Pro Tip - Squeeze From the Top.

I thought I might post on here a few of the fun things that happen in my house... fun, fun, annoying things. I quite enjoy living with my two housemates, but they do frustrate me at times. So I'll try and post the occasional tip for house-sharing or story from the inner-suburban jungle (in brief.) I'm not too worried about my housemates reactions, I firmly believe the current ones don't read a word I write.

So in my house there are we three lads. There were two more lads, making five lads in total, but one lad went to live with some other lads and the other lad shacked up with his non-lad for a week then pissed off to the country or something. So now there are we three lads.

We lads have been living fairly independently of each other for our 11 or so months together. In addition to separate food, we have also been individual soap, toothpaste and other toiletries. I don't know why, I guess that's what happens when no-one discusses these things and you just let nature take it's course. I think in the first week we all bought these items seperately and then assumed that someone in the house had a problem with sharing toiletries, and now we're just too lazy or ignorant to discuss it. In a house of lads, would you expect any less?

Being a lad, I'm fairly lazy. To those of you who know me (so all six of you reading this), this statement is as self-evident as the grim spectre of death, and will come as no startling revelation. The only shock that may arrise from this admission is that it may indicate some acceptance of my disorder on my part, and even a ray of hope that I may actually intend to undertake a journey of self-improvement. I assure you that while I am fully aware and accepting of my condition, I do not intend to undertake any such course or venture.

Anyway, I'm lazy. Evidence of this (though not required for my readers, which makes this whole exercise almost seem like too much effort) is that I almost always squeeze my toothpaste from the top of the tube. I have been chastised by mother and former girlfriends alike that I should squeeze from the bottom first, so as to extract the most from the tube and to ensure the top is always full (or something like that, I think there was something in there about being courteous to the next person to use the tube as well.) For me, the idea never cottoned on. I need to say however, the reason I squeeze from the top is not purely laziness. It's also a quiet form of rebellion in the most white-bred and utterly pointless fashion.

I think to myself, 'Why? Why squeeze from the bottom first? Is it the bottom of the tube leaking, or will it go stale if we don't use the paste in the right order or style? Is there a blackhole in the bottom of the tube that will draw in the paste and the tube and all of physical existence if I don't squeeze from the bottom first? And if that's important, then certainly the order in which I brush my teeth matters too? Back first, then front? Left-side or right first? And what if I have an uneven number of teeth? Isn't that a sign of Satan?'

So yeah anyway, I always squeeze from the top, because y'know, like it fucking matters. And I notice that in all the time I've been using my current tube, I've never had to refill the reservoir at the top. Every 36 hours or so when I go to brush, there's always enough at the top of the tube for me to not have to slide up the paste from the bottom. Seems strange huh?

Fairly sure it indicates someone else is using this tube... which is fine, really. It's just the secrecy of it all. We have clearly not shared anything without asking first in the whole time we've been living together, and now this. It's crossing a line.

The best part is, he's probably really ticked off that he always has to squeeze from the bottom. I'm fairly sure that he wouldn't see how when you establish a relationship in a certain context, it sends a message when you step outside of that, even for something minor. All he would see is that I'm being inconsiderate, making him always squeeze from the bottom to get the most out of the tube.

For the record, he's welcome to my toothpaste, my soap, my shampoo and even my loo paper. (That we do share, but usually you can only get one wipe out of a sheet anyway.) But I'm fairly sure he'd never replace it, he'd just wait until I did. And that's why it's crossing a line.